The brothers Mac and I competed as a relay team in a kayak triathlon on Saturday: my own personal dream team. Behemoth Brother Mac (a/k/a "Sasquatch") paddled a kayak 2 miles through a tidal basin, I rode the TT bike 25 miles on hilly roads, then Alotmoreflash ran three miles up a mountain. We emerged victorious, completing the course in 1:46:30. We are now undefeated as a kayak-bike-run-multi-sport-relay-in-northern-New-England team. That particular distinction is unlikely to land us on ESPN any time soon, but our own sense of hard-earned glory is entirely undiminished by the fact that our wives, and not Chris Berman, met us at the finish line.
The race started in three waves. Swimmers went first, then 30 minutes later the individual men in the kayak race started. Finally, three minutes after the men got underway, the individual women kayakers and relay teams began. Now, Behemoth is a true gentleman, it must be mentioned. Being surrounded by women in unstable vessels with thin hulls got the better of him. He began at the back of the pack (in the last wave) and yielded his way through the first leg of the race. He even back-paddled to avoid colliding with a reckless kayaker at one point! I, of course, would have rammed her as hard as possible and then left her to drown.
I have seen Behemoth's competitive spirit awakened. He can be downright scary. He was not very scary on Saturday. Next time we will have to provoke him mightily before the start. Maybe something involving pepper spray, nails, and a hot poker.
In spite of all of the obstacles Behemoth created for himself, he paddled fast, as I knew he would. I watched him depart, then went to set up my gear for my own leg, so I didn't get to watch him race. However, he arrived at the first transition just 38 seconds after the lead team kayaker. Then it was my turn.
The bike course started about 20 feet above sea level. (Behemoth had to run up a short, steep hill to meet me after landing his kayak.) It ended 371 feet above sea level. In between, the course contained over 650 feet of climbing, spread out over 25 miles. It also contained approximately 1,726 pot holes and 1,237,528 frost heaves, all strategically placed to force a cyclist travelling at race speed to choose between (1) risking massive, irreparable damage to his carbon-fiber fork, then to his face as he flipped over his suddenly-detached front wheel; or (2) swerving into oncoming traffic and playing chicken with a jacked-up half-ton pickup truck. In other words, it was a lot like a 25-mile time trial in the Tour de France, but without the cheering crowds or support crew or television coverage or corporate sponsors, and with some special challenges and obstacles thrown in to make things more interesting.
I managed to pick off all the relay racers in front of me during the early part of the ride, then I went after the individual men, who, you will recall, had a head start on us. I reeled in all but one, and Alotmoreflash passed that guy on his run...
... which was inspired. Simply inspired. Apparently the key to getting Alotmoreflash to run fast is to put a mountain in his way. He ascended 300 feet in three miles and ran his leg in 17:57! That's a 5:59 pace... uphill! Sick. And he barely broke a sweat. He did show up at the finish with a lot of mud on his feet and legs, but we think he must have stopped somewhere and deliberately applied that to make it appear that he had worked hard on the trails.
So, we made a good showing. The next closest relay team finished eight and a half minutes after we did, and the next closest competitor in the kayak race was nearly five minutes slower. We need to find some other races in which to put these skills to use. And of course we plan to return to this race next year to defend our title.
Fun stuff.
As usual, pictures are forthcoming. Stay tuned...
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